Unfinished…

It has been a while since my last blog. It’s not that I have not been writing, there are a bunch of drafts I left unfinished. I really truly did want to write AND publish more than I did, especially during the month of May, so I do apologize. I took the last couple of months to truly figure things out about myself and just life in general. Maybe one day I’ll go through and post them all.

In the last few months I have spoken to others who find themselves in the same boat as me. It is amazing how many people you meet or have known for a while and are struggling internally. You just need to start talking. Get past the stigma, get past the embarrassment. Speak up, not just for you but everyone else who cannot.

You would be surprised at how many of us are out there, silently going through life, barely getting by. I can’t express enough how much weight has been lifted off my shoulder just by merely typing away (even if I have not posted) or speaking to someone.

This summer I chose to spend more time with my family. We went to a few trips, experienced a lot of firsts and truly just enjoyed each other’s company. I definitely needed that. It helped me remember where I came from and who I aspired to be growing up. Sharing stories from the past, remembering who I was BEFORE the trauma and getting away from every thing was just what the doctor ordered.

I chose to live in the moment and try to get away from the past. Honestly there is no getting away from the past. In a way it has shaped me into who I am now. I fought hard to get to where I am now mentally and emotionally. I am no where near perfect, but I am doing better than where I was in the beginning of the year. I may not have reached all my goals in the last couple of months, but at least I am still trying.

The one thing I have learned in the past few months… it’s ok to leave things unfinished… for a little while. Anxiety and depression…you want or feel like you have so much to do, but just can’t bring yourself to start or finish anything. Take it one step at a time, know your limits and know yourself. Some people thrive when challenged, some buckle down and some depending on the situation some can experience both scenarios. All you can do is try your best, if one thing doesn’t work for you try something else, take a break for a little bit, ask for help. Pause, inhale and step back. I guarantee that feeling you get once you have completed a task you tried so hard to even start will make it all worth it.

until next time…