You know how they say death comes in threes? Well 9 days into 2020 and there have been 3. My uncle’s father in law, my grandpa’s older brother and my mentor’s mom.
I went to a viewing last night for the latter. There were so many questions during the vigil that popped into my head as he was talking. The main one is when he said “She is in a better place, she is no longer suffering. How? How do we know she is no longer suffering? Where did she go? I know it seems silly to ask that last one, but it crossed my mind. What happens after death?
Another thing he said, “you die twice. Once after our last breath and one more time when you are forgotten.” That is the absolute truest and saddest sentence I have yet to hear. I don’t know if this is a saying because this is the first I’ve heard of it.
In my life I have lost great grandparents, grandparents, uncles and friends. The ones that hit me the hardest though were the death of my friends. With my family members, at least everyone except my uncle, we knew it was going to happen. They lived long and what I like to believe as happy lives. Needless to say it doesn’t mean I didn’t feel sadness, but I just couldn’t comprehend much about death when I was younger.
With my uncle I only saw him for a week or two sporadically when I visited the motherland. I didn’t really know him well, but he seemed like a great father. He was fun loving and was a great role model. I happened to be visiting the motherland for a wedding and the day before I made plans to visit the family, he had passed. His death was unforeseen. I had no idea of any health issues he had.
The deaths that hit me the hardest were those of my friends. People who were a year or 2 younger than myself. The deaths that blindsided us all. One was a girl I met back in the 3rd grade, Grace. We stayed in our hometown throughout high school and college. We ran into each other often. She died in a shooting at her college, she was only 23. We weren’t close, but we were friends.
Less than a year later, one of my college friends, someone I considered as a brother died in a car crash. Jekris, he was also 23 at the time, just 6 months away from 24. Watched him grow into the man he was. You would never think we ran in the same circle of friends. We were so different when we first met each other. 6 years later he had huge plans for himself, his future. He had the biggest smile and he could light up a room.
One of my fondest memories was when we were studying in the coffee shop in town. We were sitting outside and he was so excited to tell me about his newest girl. He said, “sis I met someone.” I replied with, “of course you did…” he said “no sis this one is different.” I said, “sureeee she is” he answered with such confidence, “no sis, I swear this one is different, she’s the one…” That marked his growth, from then on everything he did was for them, their future.
His death shook me to the core. I didn’t hear about his death until 8 hours later. It was my uncle’s birthday and we were in the middle of the party. I was with my cousins when I got the call and I ran outside and cried on the porch. The first call I made was to my now fiance. I took my dad’s car met up with my friends and we just sat there, in disbelief. Days after I was still in denial. Up to the the day of the funeral. I was a mess, left my wallet at home that day and I needed to pump gas. I was late to work and couldn’t even function…
Isn’t it weird what our brains can remember. There are things, for the life of me…I can’t remember, yet there are moments I will remember forever.
That statement about dying twice hit me last night. It such a sad thought. It made think about all the people in my life who have passed on and how much I want to cling onto all the memories because I do not want them to die a second time. I found myself looking at old pictures today and talking to friends at work about death. One of them said that when someone passes it’s a good reminder to live our lives the way we want to. It doesn’t matter what someone’s age, sex, or health is, anyone can die at any given time. When it’s our time, it’s our time.
I just hope that one day when it is my time I leave something behind that represents something bigger than myself. Something meaningful, impactful, something for my future kids and their kids, just future generations. A legacy of some sort…
Khaye's Khronicles 